I grew up in a Christian home going to church every Sunday. Eventually Sunday's gave me a stomach ache. I prayed every night before sleep for Jesus to save me from my tumultuous life. The next morning I'd pray asking for forgiveness because I had fallen asleep in the middle of my prayers. Jesus' name was used often to frighten me by my

father. The fact I felt my prayers were never answered, Jesus leaving me in abandonment and my raging father in control, I ended up with some anger issues around Jesus.

 

In the summer of 1997, my son and I had just came home from our first Native American Sundance ceremony. I was sitting in my studio reading a book, "My Road To The Sundance", by Manny Twofeathers, curiously I had bought it a few years before at a pow-wow because I wanted to support him, but never had gotten around to reading it.

 

I looked up to see a shadow of three crosses cast upon the wall, from my easel.  Thinking of Jesus, I said, "what are you doing here?" With a bit of an attitude, I looked randomly for some reason, ahead in the book I had in my hands, and my eyes went directly to, wasn't Jesus Christ also a Sun dancer? He was willing to sacrifice himself so the world would evolve into a better place. This is the reason why the Native Americans'do the Sundance, in order to sacrifice themselves through fasting and suffering as a prayer to evolve spiritually.

 

Chills covered my body and I was humbled in a truth I hadn't allowed myself to feel before because of my anger. And so I knew at that moment my next painting would be of Jesus. 

 

When ever I paint someone's portrait, I go to a very deep place within myself to meet and paint their soul essence. I feel love for them like never before. Jesus and me, we're cool now. I feel I have a deeper understanding and have found love and a forgiveness for myself and all who have ever harmed me.